With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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