I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
