I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When are your genitals available?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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