i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
