How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
