how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
