I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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