i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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