I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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