I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Drunk is a universal language darling
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
