If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Found your dick twin last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
