My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
