I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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