I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.