I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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