I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world