I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like