I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?