I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A+ Viking dick
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
