I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
