if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
