I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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