did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
