Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
