the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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