When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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