I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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