Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
