dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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