I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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