Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So many bounce houses so little time
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
