Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
