Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize