Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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