its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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