we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
