Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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