what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
