SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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