Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize