you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
tell me about the eggs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
