hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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