girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize