Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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