just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
