yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
