I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
