I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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