And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
