Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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