I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
