Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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