So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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