His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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