How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
