Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
