Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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