Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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