I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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