I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
