its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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