Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
