how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
