did you get engaged???
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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