I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got inside last night via doggy door
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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