Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
