You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You are the jesus of drinking
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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