In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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