Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
