is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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