The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
