last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
