So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
